The Delivery
by Achillia
Summary: It sounds simple enough, deliver the package, but nothing is ever that simple for Shepard. Just a little bit of stupidity that popped in my head, mild Shenko-ness.
1. Chapter 1

A/N Hey Guys, just a little something that's been floating around in my head for a while and needed to come out, it's a little silly but, well, I thought it was funny.

Still no beta so sorry for anything I missed; Bioware owns all, obviously - if I owned it there'd be a LOT more Kaidan.

Enjoy,

Achillia xx

* * *

><p><strong>The Delivery <strong>

Shepard tapped her forefinger against her lips, one arm curled across her stomach her other elbow resting on it, tapping. _One, two. _Her gaze entirely focused on the package in front of her. It's at least as large as Grunts tank, maybe a little smaller and somehow infinitely more precious. Her mind, quick as lightening, attempting to calculate, and account for, the innumerable risks that surround this particular task, _get the box to the Normandy _she tells herself _that's all you have to do. _But it isn't that simple, nothing ever is.

Behind her on one side stands Miranda, hip cocked, one arm dangling by her side the other on her hip, her gaze in the same direction as Shepard's no doubt mimicking her thought patterns just in case a back up should be needed. To the other side stands Tali, omni tool active, attempting to plot the most likely course through the Citadel.

"Are you sure this is necessary Shepard?" Tali says as her three fingers fly across the length of her forearm. Simultaneously the two human females twist their heads to stare at the Quarian.

"Absolutely" Shepard says to her, her voice firm, resolute. From the other side Miranda nods agreeing.

"We can't take any chances" she says and Shepard, returning her gaze to the box nods once, in complete agreement. Tali sighs and returns to her work, more than slightly mystified. Behind them the door to their little cubby hole opens and Thane, Garrus, Grunt and Jacob stroll through. Shepard turns to face them, her back to the box, pleased to see that they've come prepared, Jacob with his assault rifle, Grunt with his shotgun, Garrus and Thane with their sniper rifles. She herself had only brought her hand cannon since she hadn't anticipated trouble when they'd left the Normandy, Tali didn't have a single weapon, she'd have to rely on her combat drone, but no matter, it could still be done. There's no table in the room but the members of the team that she'd selected for this highly crucial mission form a circle in front of her as if there is one. She steps forward completely in Commander mode.

"Ok" she says "I think you all know what this is about. This" she says gesturing behind her in the general direction of the box "has to make it to the Normandy without incident, not a bump, not a scratch. Clear?" she says her gaze flicking to each member of her team in turns as they each nod their assent. She nods with them.

"Ok" she says "First things first, Tali, do we have a route?" on cue the Quarian steps forward projecting a map of the Citadel into the middle of the empty space. A few quick taps on her omni tool add a red line into the map.

"From what I can see this is probably our best chance" she says indicating the red line "it's not the quickest way but it takes more of the backstreets so there will be less people. Also these particular backstreets aren't too small so we should get through with minimal damage. But" she adds and a few movements with her fingers result in the appearance of a blue line alongside the red "This is the quickest route" Shepard, having reverted to her earlier stance taps her finger twice against her lips.

"We'll take the first option" she says and the blue line instantly vanishes allowing her to clearly see the red line. She takes a moment to mentally map the route, lining the holographic map up with the real thing picturing their progress through the Citadel.

"Ok" she says "let's see..." she takes a moment to flick her gaze across the members of her team seizing them up trying various combinations in her head before settling on one "Thane" she begins turning to address the Drell "sniper cover and reconnaissance I want to know exactly what we're heading into" Thane inclines his head towards her, hands clasped behind his back.

"Of course Siha" he replies.

"This" she continues activating her own omni tool, and flicking her fingers across it so that the image of a dark haired man comes into view "is subject A" she continues "on no account should subject A come into contact with the package, if possible the entire operation should be kept from him" she adds tiling her head and examining the picture for a moment before continuing "Garrus that's your responsibility, find him, that shouldn't be too difficult and make sure he doesn't come within five miles of our route"

"No problem" he says and at a gesture from Shepard turns and immediately leaves the room ready to go about his task.

"The rest of you" Shepard continues once the door closes behind him "escort, I'll take point, Tali, take my six, Miranda, the left flank Jacob, the right, and Grunt you take the rear" and her team, obedient as ever immediately move into position. She takes one more sweeping glance at her team, assessing their mental state, making sure they're ready, prepared. Thane's voice comes crackling over the comm.

"In position Shepard" she nods once, half to him, half to herself and takes up her assigned position.

"Alright" she says "let's do this"

Before giving the signal to move out Shepard takes one deep breath, bringing her senses to the forefront of her mind, entering that state of hyperawareness that she was capable of donning during a mission. She'd be lying if she said that this time that state wasn't peppered with more than the average amount of nervousness, but no matter she'd succeed at all costs. She draws her hand cannon from her hip and with a practiced quickness checks the thermal clip cocking it twice, just to be sure. Raising her forearm, fist formed, she wordlessly flicks two fingers forward and as one the team moves out; Miranda and Jacob carefully supporting the box between them.

"All clear Shepard" Thane says when they exit the room "Moving ahead" she nods knowing that he can probably see her. Her senses aquiver as she tries to anticipate disaster, her eyes completely focused on what's ahead. As they round the first corner she calls a halt and raises her hand to her ear.

"Garrus?" she calls into the comm.

"I see him Shepard, he's here on the presidium, you're all clear" Garrus relays but she's only slightly relieved, still faced with the problem of actually getting the precious package back to the Normandy. Of its own accord her mind starts to picture everything that could possibly go wrong, from the downright ridiculous, like for example a merc group deciding to airstrike the citadel; to the likely, the box gets dropped its precious contents getting destroyed or broken.

Surprisingly however none of this happened. They had, had to make a slight detour to avoid Al- Jilani but Thane had given them plenty of warning and they had avoided her easily. Once or twice she was convinced that the box had been knocked but on inspection had found that there wasn't any lasting damage if it had.

She tenses as the Normandy comes into view expecting disaster to strike at the last minute, not allowing herself a moment to relax. Allowing herself only one small sigh of relief as he squad enter the decontamination chamber. But it's not over yet,

"Mission accomplished" she says into her comm. Letting Garrus and Thane know that it was safe to abandon their posts. That done she walks around the box two, three times checking for any minute damage.

"Nice work people" she says once she's assured that the box is still in mint condition "now let's get this confounded thing stored" she adds as they leave the decontamination chamber and head onto the deck proper.

"Where do you want it Shepard?" Jacob queries from one corner of the box. She turns considering the question, it couldn't go in the loft, for obvious reasons but at the same time she was loath to have it too far from her eyesight.

"The cargo bay" she says after awhile "at the back, with everything else that's there carefully packed around it' she adds 'Understood?" Jacob nods

"We'll take care of it" Jacob says as he and Tali gingerly move the box in the direction of the bay. She watches them until the lift door closes a part of her still concerned for the safety of the box. Spinning on her heel she heads to the cockpit, finding Joker in his usual position.

"You got it then?" he says once she's within earshot. She nods.

"Job for you." She says

"Lemme guess, keep my eye on it?" Joker says twisting his head up to look at her and smirking at her. She returns his smirk with that look she always gives him when he goes too far and recognising the look immediately, he takes the smirk off his face.

"Two eyes" Shepard says, deadly serious, as Joker obligingly flicks up the security monitors so she can follow Tali and Jacobs progress "Constantly" she adds as an afterthought. Joker nods and says

"Will do Commander" but as soon as her back is turned he shakes his head _women! _He thinks despairingly.

Shepard herself heads down to the cargo bay finding herself unable to relax until she personally, is assured of the packages safety. Once the box is stored in the bay to Shepard satisfaction she claps Jacob and Tali on the shoulder silently thanking them for their help, congratulating them on their work today. That done she heads to Miranda's office needing to once again ask the question she'd been asking since she made the initial decision.

"I made the right choice didn't I?" she says without preamble as she enters, Miranda, sat at her desk, sighs in irritation.

"Yes Shepard" she says wearily "you did" Shepard nods, finally ready to stop second guessing herself, at least for now.

Eventually she makes her way to the loft and immediately slumps in the desk chair exhausted. Granted, no actual fighting had been done, but sometimes the expectation of disaster could be draining. She breathes deeply trying to ease her tense muscles, but if she's honest she knows there's not a chance of that happening until this entire thing is over. She closes her eyes and continues breathing deeply. Behind her she hears the door open, the deliberate military step, feels strong firm hands on her shoulders, gradually easing the tension away. She throws her head back, looking up at him.

"Hey" she says

"Hey" he says back smiling down at her, his hands still massaging her shoulders "what's up?" he queries hoping that it's something he can help with this time. Under his hands she shrugs.

"Nothing really" she says "I just picked up my wedding dress" she adds grinning. He raises his eyebrows, in truth a little surprised and grins back at her.

"You're actually wearing a dress?" he questions.

"Of course I am" she replies "I wouldn't want to offend your sense of tradition now would I?" she says raising a sarcastic eyebrow. Smiling, he rotates the chair, his hands leaving her shoulders spinning her so that she's facing him. Bracing his arms on either side of the chair he takes a moment to gaze at his fiancé.

"It's your wedding too Keira" he says slightly concerned that she should base her choice on something as important as her outfit on what he would prefer. She smiles anticipating his thoughts easily; she reaches out a hand and gently cups his face her fingers rasping against his stubble, losing herself in his eyes.

"I know" she says smiling "but I don't mind making a few concessions for you and besides" she adds "all I'm really looking forward to is becoming Commander Keira Alenko" he grins it's the first time she's referred herself as that and he finds that he loves the way it sounds, the way that it shows that she really is his, irrefutably, indefinitely and he can't help but feel completely and utterly happy.

"So am I Shepard" he says leaning forward and brushing his lips against hers "so am I."

* * *

><p>AN One more thing – credit for this has to go to my friend Dean who happened to mention that when his wife picked up her wedding dress she had it "practically under armed guard" I just took out the "practically" part, so thanks Dean!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N So yeah this was originally supposed to be a one-shot but then this crept into my head so I decided to go on with it. Enjoy.

Thanks yo-sirrah for beta-ing, you managed to fix all the bits I was having trouble with! Bioware owns all the stuff, I just play.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Two. <strong>

Shepard pinches the bridge of her nose in an attempt to stop herself from losing it completely.

"Look," She says to the unfortunate Asari clerk behind the counter, "I didn't order these. They're pink." she adds as if this explains everything. "I don't _do _pink. I didn't even _want _flowers at my wedding, but my bridesmaids..." she continues, waving a hand behind her in order to indicate Miranda, Kasumi and Tali, "insisted. So I ordered a bouquet of six blood red roses. Blood. Red. _Not _pink!" She glowers but the clerk appears to take no notice of the simmering rage in Shepard's eyes.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but the order clearly says pink." The ill-fated clerk replies in a cool, calm voice that manages only to infuriate her further. She leans forward bracing her arms on the counter top. Bowing her head she lets out a frustrated sigh.

"I've always wanted to say this," she mutters conversationally, turning her head to Kasumi. Turning back, she leans forward menacingly across the counter so that her face is a breath away from the Asari's. "Do you know _who I am?_" she hisses, feeling pleased when she sees real fear begin to creep into the clerk's eyes. "I am Commander-Fucking-Shepard, and that means that I have all sorts of interesting ways of ruining your life - ranging from a few harsh words to _blowing you up_. I'm also _extremely _used to getting my own way, so why don't you just amend the order and we'll say no more about it, hm?"

The Asari blinks and, like a goldfish, opens and closes her mouth a few times before managing to stammer out a reply. "Uh...ye-yes...of course...no problem...ma'a-uh...Commander."

"Good." Shepard replies with a note of finality. She pushes herself away from the counter and spins to face her group. "Right." She says, her disposition noticeably sunnier. "What's next?" Miranda activates her omni-tool pulling up the long list of things still to do and flicking through it.

"Venue?" she questions, but Shepard shakes her head.

"I'm sorting that with Hackett later." Miranda returns to the list.

"Invitations?" she hazards.

"Why in _god's _name would I need invitations?" Shepard snaps. Inwardly Miranda groans, because apparently, when planning a wedding Shepard's mood could flicker from anger to jubilation, irritation and sorrow in the space of mere seconds.

"People expect invitations Shepard." She explains wearily. Shepard sighs in irritation before spinning to face Tali.

"Tali, are you coming?" she snaps.

"Er...yes?" Tali replies uncertainly.

"Kasumi?"

"Of course." The thief answers and the three bridesmaids share a concerned glance wondering what Shepard's game is. Shepard herself raises her hand to her ear.

"_Normandy _Crew," she barks into the radio, "you are all hereby invited to the wedding. I need names of those coming." A chorus of voices shout out names to answer her.

"You get all that EDI?" she questions once the voices have stopped.

"Affirmative."

"Good. Thane bring Kolyat. Garrus, you can bring Miss Flexibility. Kal'Reegar can come too," she adds, giving Tali a meaningful look before turning her attention back to the radio.

"Kaidan..."

"Sorry Shepard," he interrupts cheerfully over the comm. "I think I'm busy that day. Can't make it."

"That's _not _funny!" she glowers.

"Sorry..."

"Tell your parents when and where if you want them there."

"Will do!"

"There." She says cheerfully and deactivating her radio. "Invitations done. What now?" Miranda shakes her head but doesn't argue.

"Favours?"

"Favours are pointless."

"...Cake?" Shepard grins as she turns the suggestion over in her mind.

"...Yeah." She replies eventually, "Let's go sample some cake."

* * *

><p>Shepard sighs. It had started so well. At first it had been fun sampling all the different types of cake, both alien and human, but then Tali had gotten sick from eating too much of the dextro-friendly icing and had to rush off to the nearest bathroom. Kasumi had gone with her, and while Shepard was quite happy to continue sampling Miranda had pulled up the 'list of things still to do' and was impatiently scanning through it, tapping her heel all the while. It was really rather irritating. <em>Really irritating<em>. In fact it was getting so bloody irritating that Shepard had begun to contemplate what Miranda would look like with a face full of cake.

"I swear, Miranda if you-" she begins, but just at that moment the baker returns with yet another sample and Shepard is mercifully distracted.

"Mmm, what is that?" She asks once she's taken a generous forkful.

"It's called devil's chocolate cake," replies the baker who seems genuinely pleased to have a customer who is so enthusiastic about cake, "It's an old family recipe." he proudly adds.

"Is it now?" Shepard helps herself to another piece.

"Yeah. It's actually one of the things we're most famous for." Shepard opens her mouth to say something but Miranda interrupts her.

"Shepard, we should get moving," she says, "we still have to-"

"I haven't chosen yet!"

"Well choose quickly then!" Miranda snaps back, refusing to back down. Shepard grants Miranda one of her coldest glares but to her credit Miranda didn't relent, or even avert her eyes. _'Probably because she's the Ice Queen...' _Shepard ungraciously thought. Begrudgingly though she has to admit that Miranda is right. There _was _still a lot to do and she was due to meet Hackett soon anyway. She sighs and reaching into her jacket pocket, pulls out a data pad.

"Can you make this?" she asks the Baker, sliding the data pad across the counter towards him. The baker picks up the recipe and studies it with a professional eye.

"Of course," he replies after a moment, "It's rather simple though. Perhaps if..." But Shepard holds her hand up to silence him.

"Has to be exactly that recipe," she says. "It's not the same otherwise."

"That won't be a problem."

"Good. Give me a call when it's ready." She adds her number onto the data pad with the recipe and calls a quick, _"Thanks."_ over her shoulder, she leaves. A stunned Miranda follows.

"You knew what you wanted all along!" Miranda accuses as soon as they're out of the bakery.

"No, I knew what _he _wanted. I just wanted to make sure there wasn't something _I _wanted more." Shepard clarifies sneakily. Miranda, completely flabbergasted, manages a small grunt of annoyance and rolls her eyes as soon as she's sure Shepard isn't looking.

"Bout time I met Hackett isn't it?" They cross the Citadel heading in the direction Kasumi and Tali had taken earlier. Falling into step beside her, Miranda nods.

* * *

><p>"But it's mine! It <em>belongs <em>to me!" Shepard practically wails, barely restraining herself from stamping her foot at the Admiral's stoic refusal.

"It does _not _belong to you Shepard. Technically it belongs to the Alliance." Hackett replies, not quite able to keep the amused smile off his face. He had only seen Shepard in this frantic state once before when she had called him after the original _Normandy _had been grounded and demanded that he do something. The fact that she could be sent into the same state by something so normal was somehow incredibly amusing.

"It's called the _Shepard Memorial Plaza," _She hisses, bringing his attention back to her, "Explain how it's not somehow mine!" Hackett sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose, unsure as to precisely how much chance he has against this angry bride-to-be.

"Look, I'd like to help you out Shepard but the waiting list for getting married on that plaza is ridiculously long. Some people even wait years for it. I can't just suddenly decree that it's yours for a day when some poor couple somewhere have been planning for ages."

"Then you should have given us a longer shore leave!" is the immediate snarled response. Hackett sighs and briefly drops his head into his hands.

"Why there anyway?" He questions "I always pegged you for a 'getting married in the middle of a fire fight' type of girl. You know - explosions, armour, belting your vows out then off to save the day. What's going on with the traditional 'white wedding' crap?" She blinks at him and then the unthinkable happens. Commander Shepard, Saviour of The Galaxy, blushes. Actually blushes. She turns away, not quite meeting his eyes, and rubs the back of her neck.

"Well...you know...he...he is more..._traditional,_ than I am." She mumbles lamely.

"Well, isn't that cute?" Hackett chortles and Shepard glares at him with such daggers in her eyes that he's slightly surprised to find he isn't now mortally wounded.

"Are you going to help or not?" she snaps, all trace of embarrassment gone.

"Alight Shepard," he concedes. He reasoned with himself that she was after all 'the big hero' and if anyone had ever deserved their happily-ever-after, then it was her, "I'll see what I can do."

"Good." She says promptly, as if that was the conclusion she had always expected the conversation to come to. Hackett suddenly realised that was probably exactly the case. With her mission accomplished, Shepard turns to leave.

"Oh, and one more thing," she adds before she gets to the door, turning back to him, "I'm not going to ask you to remove the memorial...but at least remove the death date!"she moans with an air of exasperation.

Hackett let out a brief huff of laughter and shook his head. "Consider it done Shepard." he chuckles. She glances at him for a moment, seizing up the truth of his promise. Satisfied, she throws him a curt nod and leaves.

Once outside and reunited with her entourage she looks to Miranda for the schedule. "Okay, what's next?" and this time Miranda is prepared with an answer she's very confident will be accepted.

"Menu?" she asks sweetly. Shepard grins.

* * *

><p>Hours later the four girls stumble into the mess hall, Shepard slumping into the seat beside Kaidan. Wordlessly he pushes his half empty tray towards her but she shakes her head.<p>

"No thanks" she tells him, "I'm full." He nods and pulls the tray back, continuing his dinner with one hand but with the other reaching out to her shoulder, gently massaging the area where her neck and collarbone meet, the place where she carries all her tension. She leans into the touch letting out a relaxed sigh.

"Mmm." She murmurs, her eyes fluttering closed. Opposite her Miranda's frown deepens as she scans through the list, a list that's slightly shorter than this morning but not by much.

"There's still a lot to do Shepard..." she begins. Shepard's eyes snap open to glare at Miranda. Beside her, almost imperceptibly, Kaidan shakes his head. "But it can wait until tomorrow." Miranda hastily adds, deactivating her tool and standing.

"I'm going to bed." She declares and hurries off towards her office.

"If you want me to do anything..." Kaidan asks gently once the door had closed behind her.

"No!" Shepard says abruptly. She knows it's silly but she wants the whole wedding to be utterly normal and that included the bride planning everything. Besides, a part of her wants to show him that she can be just as feminine as the next woman and another part of her wants to surprise him with a (very nearly) traditional wedding.

"No..." she repeats in a kinder voice, smiling at the concern in his eyes. "You just focus on your job." She orders softly. He smiles back at her.

"What _is _your job?" interrupts a confused Kasumi.

"Making sure Joker does his job." Kaidan replies automatically, turning to face her.

"And what is Joker's job?" Tali presses from Kasumi's side.

"Keeping out of the way."


End file.
